Jessica Tudor lives outside Philadelphia with her mad scientist husband and two mud turtles named Bogey and Bacall, where she writes young adult/fantasy books. Her work is represented by Super Agent Suzie Townsend of Fine Print Lit. She is Christian, vegan, and nominally crazy. You can find her on Twitter and at her website.
MISS TEEN DREAM FUN FACTS PAGE!
Please fill in the following information and return to Jessie Jane, Miss Teen Dream Pageant administrative assistant, before Monday. Remember, this is a chance for the judges and the audience to get to know YOU. So make it interesting and fun, but please be appropriate. And don’t forget to mention something you love about our sponsor, The Corporation!
Name: BEAUTY QUEENS
State: Libba Bray’s crazy mind
Age: Released May 24 (a youthful three weeks old)
Height: 400 pages
Weight: 1.2 lbs according to Amazon
Hair: Books don’t have hair, but if I did it would be Pantene lustrous
Eyes: Ditto on the eyes, but you can imagine a Caribbean turquoise
Best Feature: Hello, have you seen my cover?
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| Check out my awesome lipstick bandolier. |
Fun Facts About Me:
- I have the most whack-tacular plot[*], yet it all fits together, much like Cate Blanchett on the red carpet.
- Though sometimes the satire makes it hard to connect to my characters, I am unputdownable.[**] My characters are well-developed and despite the large cast, easily differentiated. Miss Mississippi (Tiara) is a surprise favorite.
- I bring the swoon. Though I don't have much space to dedicate to the couples, all the relationships are believably handled. Also, I support the right of all couples, hetero- or queer, to be swoon-worthy. A shout-out to all my LGBTQ friends in the audience![***]
- I’m smart and thought-provoking, but so much fun you can’t hold it against me. In fact, I make smart the new pretty. When I'm grown up, I hope to open a Smart School where I teach critical thinking and wilderness survival skills for teenagers of all nationalities, religions, and cultures.[****]
- My extracurriculars include advertisement scripts, fact sheets, footnotes, song lyrics, and classified reports.
- I am practically perfect in all of my masterfully written, satiric, feminist kick-assery.[*****] My biggest flaw is that there's only one of me. However, I love The Corporation Bookstore, where you can also purchase books like The Disreputable History of Frankie Landau-Banks by E. Lockhart and The Unidentified by Rae Mariz for more thought provocation.
[*]A plane full of beauty queens crashes on a deserted island. "Welcome to the heart of un-exfoliated darkness."
[**]The Corporation suggests that Sarah and Jess note that the only reason it took them two sittings to read me is because they paused partway through to gush on Twitter.
[***]Pageant official started to say something but was too upset.
[****]The Corporation suggests replacing the critical thinking portion with something less threatening like hygiene.
[*****]Pageant official says I should not use the words "feminist" or "kick-assery," as they think these words sound like we're radical, and want to know if I can change it to "feminine" and "empowerment."
[**]The Corporation suggests that Sarah and Jess note that the only reason it took them two sittings to read me is because they paused partway through to gush on Twitter.
[***]Pageant official started to say something but was too upset.
[****]The Corporation suggests replacing the critical thinking portion with something less threatening like hygiene.
[*****]Pageant official says I should not use the words "feminist" or "kick-assery," as they think these words sound like we're radical, and want to know if I can change it to "feminine" and "empowerment."