Love Letter To The Book

Guys, I get it. I really do. I think all agent-y types do:

"Everyone sends a query letter. There are thousands

of them in a week. Why would I throw my

hat in with all those other schmucks when I could do something

FLASHY AND DIFFERENT?!?!?!"

Glitter, for instance, is FLASHY AND DIFFERENT!!!!!

No. Stop. Step away from the glitter. Telephone queries (Just. Don't. Ever. Do. It.). Starbuck's cups full of flour (anthrax?!). Hand-made hand-delivered hand-bound queries. These are, unfortunately, worse than useless to us.

Because we're evaluating your book (and A LOT of other peoples' books) based on the writing and the story. Not on your creativity in getting it to us or panache on the phone. Those things are unrelated to your writing or your story. And that means we don't have time for them.

The query process is long standing. It works because it allows us to evaluate a lot of writing efficiently. You have to trust us that this system works, and that we're using it effectively. I don't have time for phone queries, but you better believe I find time for every. single. query. Those writers respect me enough to follow the rules. I respect them enough to read their work.

If you're getting rejections (even of the no response means no variety), you've got to look at your query letter. Does it follow these rules? Once you're sure that's squared away, you'll have to look at your book. You may need some revision. You may need to do another round of querying. It's frustrating. You've worked so hard. We know. But don't go rogue and start getting fancy. We have time for fancy writing, not fancy writers.